Thursday, December 27, 2012

I am a flag


Its been a rough day for me. I had been given the promise of being a red flag during this Christmas season. The first few days was good and I did so well. And then I started slipping and struggling. The joy went the peace went.

Today, like many other days I really battle with breastfeeding my older baby. I am emotionally drained and physically tired and tender by her demands as well as those of the other two.

I am reading a Genesis Bible study. And finally ran out of the house to go for a walk. Its cold and windy and I turn to go back. "Flags do not go inside when it gets windy" I hear Him say. That's when they are displayed best. I walk through the chill and think of Abraham and Sarah and Hagar. I am struck more and more about the fact that His covenant does not rely on their goodness. I look at the sea, the waves. I am your God and you are My child, the Creator whispers. MY Covenant does not rely on your goodness. Wow. Breathe. Write it on my heart.

But I still struggle with basic choices. What do I do. "Whatever you decide in life, there will always be people who encourage, affirm and agree, and people who disagree and criticise. It should never be about that.

And then I heard Him say, you have never made any motherhood decision based on what is the easiest on you. That is your thing."

I am a flag.