My mom moved out today. I can't bring myself to look out the window at the dark garden flat. Her light on meant the difference between sanity and total breakdown many nights when my babies did not want to sleep. She is a late reader and I loved being able to send her a message and just know she is out there also awake.
She moved in when I had one toddler and now, 2.5years and 2 homebirths later she is leaving me to mother 3 alone. I do not mean that in a bad way, like she is letting me down. I just mean that now I have to mother without her extra pair of hands, her glasses of wine, her help with bath time and bed time, my extra half hour sleep in the morning when the little ones would rather go have tea with Ouma, etc. I do not know what this will mean for me, or the kids. I know I will be fine. And I know I am happy for her. And I know that it will be great to have a mother's home again, where I can go visit and where the kids can sleep over. But I will miss my mom. I will miss having her here, so close. Her presence, her light, her help, her unconditional love and support and her glasses of wine.